One-Liner Wednesday: Something to Write Home About

LindaGHill hosts One-Liner Wednesday.
This is not a prompt so there’s no need to stick to the theme.
Check out her blog for the rules, read other one-liners, and join in the fun!

Be regular and orderly in your life, so that you may be violent and original in your work.

Gustave Flaubert

#10 Ten Commandments for Writers

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Remember to keep holy thy workspace.

Honour thy writing time: if thou doth not, no one else will.

Thou shalt not wait for thy muse to strike, instead thou shalt write one word and then another until thy page or screen is full.

Thou shalt keep by thy side a dictionary.

Thou shalt not abuse thy thesaurus.

Thou shalt not faff about on social media.

Thou shalt not plagiarise.

Thou shalt tell thy inner editor to get stuffed until thou hath written thy first draft.

Then thou shalt kill thy darlings and smite thy words of filler and fluff.

Thou shalt write every day.

Write on Time

A piece of short fiction inspired by, but not actually using, the word TARDY from Your Daily Word Prompt.

Gone ten, I should be at my desk by nine. Right, I’ll leave the dishes and forget about the laundry. But this room is thick with dust, and there are biscuit crumbs everywhere.

Eleven o’clock! How did that happen? Time to sit down and finish chapter two. Do not check emails. Ignore Twitter and the cute cat gifs. And on no account go anywhere near Facebook.

Lunchtime, already. I could eat a quick sandwich in the kitchen, but I’m out of bread, and they do all-day breakfasts at the café on Thursdays.

Oh my, it’s gone two, but I needed that break; this story is a pain to write. I don’t know enough about budgerigars. Maybe I should google them.

That was interesting, but perhaps a parrot will make a better plot device.

Four o’clock, the kids will be home from school soon and I have nothing for their tea. They’ll have to make do with takeaway pizza, again. I’ll do a couple of hours after they go to bed.

Nearly midnight, but there were only two episodes of Poirot left to watch. And I had to know who did it!

I am so tired now, I think I’ll go to bed and start afresh tomorrow.

Discover Prompts: Book

You can find magic wherever you look. Sit back and relax, all you need is a book – Dr Seuss

Books are more addictive than any Class A drug. I don’t go anywhere without a book or a Kindle. And that includes parties!

My mother claims I was born with one in my hand. (Book not a crack baggie). She didn’t state what I held, but I suspect I emerged clutching a dictionary. How can I read if I don’t know what the words mean?

I don’t remember when I first learnt to read, but any publication within my grasp became fair game. And it didn’t matter if the subject was beyond my understanding or deeply unsuitable. Imagine my parents’ surprise when they caught me giggling at the pictures in their elderly copy of The Joy of Sex.

My first teacher labelled me a precocious reader which I liked the sound of. Until I discovered the negative connotations of the word precocious. The most bizarre comment came from my Year 3 teacher who wrote in my school report: Ella reads with gay abandon. This I took exception to because although I was a happy bookworm; I was not a careless one. I fell into the stories and absorbed every detail.

The first book to grab my childish imagination was Five Dolls in a House by Helen Clare. A tale of a girl called Elizabeth Small who had the power to shrink to a size where she could walk into her dolls’ house. The dolls would come to life, along with the monkey who lived on the roof, and they would have amazing adventures.

My delight and fascination fuelled a belief that this could happen to me. When it didn’t, and I got over my disappointment, I roped in my friends to play Dolls with me. We acted out scenes from the book and made up our own when the source material ran out.

From this, we moved on to The Chronicles of Narnia. These never had the same hold on me. But I always poked around in the back of cupboards and wardrobes just in case I located a portal to another world. This is probably how I found the sex book.

After exploring parallel universes, I came across the Little House on the Prairie series. The fights to play Laura became quite vociferous until my mother made us take it in turns. Then we would transport ourselves to 19th century America with the neighbour’s cat standing in for Jack, the bulldog. Our attempts at literary realism ended when my father stormed into the garden and roasted us for digging Jack’s grave in the middle of the flower bed. The cat didn’t seem impressed with this game either.

When I grew too old to play, I wrote sequels to the stories I loved. At some point, I moved from fanfiction to original writing, and after many years summoned up the balls to put my work out there.

Writing is now as addictive to me as reading because in the words of Gary Paulsen: I owe everything I am and everything I will ever be to books.

Discover prompts: Joke

Joke (noun) A humorous anecdote or remark intended to provoke laughter.

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Last year, I went on a day trip to Varna with the ladies from the village for a dip in the Black Sea.

A friend loaned me a bikini two sizes too small for me, and it was not a pretty sight. But the most embarrassing moment was me mangling the language.

I wore my ill-fitting bikini under my dress. But before whipping off my frock, I had a little furkel up my kilt to make sure everything was tucked in.

My friend asked what I was doing. I wanted to say – I was making sure my lady beard was under wraps.

But not knowing the phrase for pubic hair, I tried to use the word for hair, коса (kosa).

Only I didn’t – I said коза (koza).

This is the word for goat.

Which is an odd thing to call your front bottom in any language, but explains why everyone in earshot fell about laughing.