Fibbing Friday 19th March 2021 – Tax Deductible

Frank (PCGuy) and Di (Pensitivity101) alternate as hosts for Fibbing Friday. To join in, write a post with your answers to the 10 questions below and tag it “Fibbing Friday” or #FibbingFriday. Then link back to Fibbing Friday so that others can enjoy the answers and join in too!

The rules are simple – truth is not an option, but lies, silliness, and surrealism are.

What does the acronym FDIC stand for?
Financial Discrepancy Inspection Chamber

What’s the difference between APR and APY?
The first will eat your pension and the second will have your house.

What’s the difference between a bank and a credit union?
Only one of these sings The Red Flag at general meetings.

What exactly is a CPA?
Cardio Pulmonary Annihilation happens when you receive an unexpected tax bill.

What’s so important about April 15th in the United States?
Christmas related items first appear in shops.

In the United States, what function does the IRS serve?
Money laundering.

What is a Foreign Exchange Rate?
A list that monitors arrivals and departures at airports – they have quotas and targets to meet.

What is the S & P Index?
A pyramid scheme.

What’s the difference between a bull market and a bear market?
One is full of sh*te and the other is for naked shopping.

What is the difference between a traditional IRA and a Roth IRA?
Nothing, they are both terrorist groups.

Stream of Consciousness Saturday: Nerve

LindaGHill hosts Stream of Consciousness Saturday.
The prompt this week is NERVE
The post must be stream of consciousness writing, meaning no editing
(typos can be fixed), and minimal planning on what you’re going to write.
Click HERE for the rest of the rules, and to play along.

The Best Man

‘You’ve got a nerve, coming here like this.’ Ash walked down the garden path, staring in horror at the dishevelled woman clambering out of an ancient ford escort.

‘No one saw me leave, and I wasn’t followed.’ Kayla stood on the pavement, rearranging her train.

‘I meant in that dress.’

This is a gown,’ she took a step forward and tripped over her skirts.

‘No time for semantics,’ said Ash, as he hauled her upright. ‘How long before someone realises you’re missing?’

‘Another ten minutes, if we’re lucky.’

‘And this will be the first place they’ll come looking for you.’

‘More than likely. But everything that could go wrong today has.’ She picked up a bouquet from the passenger seat. ‘Just look at these.’

Ash took them. ‘Yellow roses, very retro.’

‘And they’re plastic. I can’t believe he sent me fake flowers.’

‘I can.’ Ash threw them on the back seat and then paused. ‘Kayla, why is there a bag of money in here?’

‘This is going to be hard to explain—’

‘No shit, Sherlock. Just get in the car, and I’ll drive you back to the church. You can tell me everything on the way.’

‘I’m not going back.’

‘Yes, you are, I’m not waiting here for your future husband to find us and beat the living crap out of me.’

‘He won’t.’ She ripped the veil from her head and flung it in the air. The wind took it and blew it into a fig tree. ‘Where’s Hollywood when you need it?’ She shrugged. ‘So much for symbolism.’

‘I also had a Hollywood moment today; I found a horse’s head on my doorstep this morning. A plastic one. Do you think he’ll send fake flowers to my funeral?’

‘You are such a drama queen.’ Kayla patted his face. ‘But you are on the right lines. And that’s when I realised I was making the biggest mistake of my life.’

‘And mine by the sound of it.’

‘I’m so sorry, Ash, I’ve been a total idiot. Can you forgive me?’

‘You know I will, I always do.’ Ash took her hands. ‘Shall we try to enjoy our last few minutes on earth together?’

‘It won’t come to that if we get a move on.’ Kayla kissed him on the forehead. ‘If you grab the case from the boot, I’ll park the car around the back.’

‘Ready for a quick getaway? Christ, this weighs a ton. What have you got in here?’

‘My future husband.’