With the help of Frank (PCGuy), Di (Pensitivity101) and Melanie (Sparks From a Combustible Mind), I’ve been telling some walloping lies. Here are some of my whoppers from over the years.

Where will you find a plimsoll line?
On a beer mug.

What do trunks and boots have in common?
They are lures used in fly-fishing.

What is a winklepicker?
A surgical instrument used during circumcisions.

What is Victoria’s Secret?
Her merkin collection.

What is a cowlette?
A toilet for cows.

What is a whimsy?
A nun’s nightie.

How do you make a tea cosy?
With barbed wire and a duvet.

How many pleats are in a kilt?
Depends on the size of the gentleman’s dirk.

What is bias binding?
Aversion therapy for proponents of BDSM

What is a Haiku?
Knickers Japanese
No longer worn by people
They creep up your crack

Melanie (Sparks From a Combustible Mind) and Di (Pensitivity101) alternate as hosts for Fibbing Friday. To join in, write a post with your answers to the 10 questions below and tag it #FibbingFriday. Then link back to Fibbing Friday so others can enjoy the answers and join in too!

What did one eye say to the other?
I see no ships.

Light travels faster than sound. That’s why some people appear bright until you…
Check their IQ score.

What do you call an alligator in a vest?
Weird.

Why couldn’t the pony sing in the choir?
The silly sausage used glue instead of toothpaste to clean his teeth that morning.

How do you make holy water?
Piss in a church.

Why did the hipster burn his mouth on pizza?
Because some idiot used napalm instead of tomato sauce.

Why did the scarecrow get an award?
He became the charge nurse for his local ahospital.

Will glass coffins be a success?
As long as no one throws stones.

What’s the difference between a hippo and a zippo?
About three and a half tons.

What do you call a dog magician?
Mr Treacle.

Melanie (Sparks From a Combustible Mind) and Di (Pensitivity101) alternate as hosts for Fibbing Friday. To join in, write a post with your answers to the 10 questions below and tag it #FibbingFriday. Then link back to Fibbing Fridayso others can enjoy the answers and join in too!

1. Who was known as The Iron Lady?
Sharon Osbourne.

2. Who was Diana Prince?
A mild-mannered librarian by day and a prostitute by night.

3. Who was She Who Must Be Obeyed?
Miss Whiplash.

4. Who was The Virgin Queen?
Definitely not number two.

5. Who was Dick Grayson better known as?
Francis the Talking Mule.

6. Who was The Forces Sweetheart?
Natasha Romanova aka The Black Widow.

7. Who was Sir Percy Blakeney?
Edmund Blackadder’s sidekick.

8. Who was Shirley Crabtree?
The founder of Victoria’s Secret.

9. Who did Arthur Wellesley become known as?
Zorro.

10. Who was The Wizard of Menlo Park?
Tommy.