Song Lyric Sunday: Background Music

The prompt for Song Lyric Sunday from Jim Adams is Elevator Music.
The song must contain one of these words in either the title or the lyrics.
If the song does not meet these criteria, please explain why you chose it.

What is Elevator Music?

Polite definition: Bland recorded background music played in public places, meant to provide a soothing atmosphere.

Impolite definition: Music to slit your throat by. This quote from Lisey’s Story by Stephen King nicely sums up the pain.

“There was a faint click and the Prozac Orchestra returned, this time with what might once have been the theme from Shaft. Lisey listened with a mild sense of unreality, thinking that if Isaac Hayes heard it, he would probably crawl into his bathtub with a plastic bag over his head.”

This is music for the non-musical. And has the added bonus, for all its apparent blandness, of burrowing into your brain where it stays for longer than an unwanted guest at Christmas.

And there are so many tracks to choose from! But there is one that takes the biscuit. It sticks in my head for days: not so much earworm as ear serpent. And because I’m a generous soul, I’m going to share it with you.

Calcutta, music written by Heino Gaze in 1958 with lyrics by Hans Bradtke. It is known in Germany as Kalkutta liegt am Ganges (Kolkata lies on the Ganges). But I’ve picked the Lawrence Welk version in all its hideous glory.

And the English lyrics? Put on your nightie and go “la la la” just like the ladies in this video. Alternatively, you could stick your fingers in your ears and go “la la la.” I know which option I’ll be choosing.

Here is Vico Torriani singing the wretched thing in German. The lyrics appear on screen if you want to sing along.

Kill me now.

Stream of Consciousness Saturday: Cakey and the Growth

LindaGHill hosts Stream of Consciousness Saturday.
The prompt this week is GROWTH
The post must be stream of consciousness writing, meaning no editing
(typos can be fixed), and minimal planning on what you’re going to write.
Click HERE for the rest of the rules, and to play along.


We called them Cakey and the Growth.

She was sweet enough to give you diabetes. Nothing was too much trouble for her.

He clung to her like ivy, as if he wanted to burrow under her skin and become a part of her.

She worked in the finance department and he worked in IT. At break, lunch, and after work, he would wait outside her office like a well-mannered stalker.

They would embrace and walk off together, arms entwined, their heads close as they talked in soft voices to each other.

Cakey and the Growth, always together, finishing each other’s sentences, leaving parties early because they couldn’t bear to share their time with other people.

She would smile her sugary smile, and he would hold on as if he couldn’t bear to let her go.

Cakey and the Growth, when two became one.

For a time.

Cakey is no longer with the Growth. She is still inside and he is still in a coma.

The Growth turned malignant and to save herself, Cakey excised him.

She may be incarcerated, but at least now, she is free..

Fibbing Friday 14th May 2021 – Pants on Fire

Frank (PCGuy) and Di (Pensitivity101) alternate as hosts for Fibbing Friday. To join in, write a post with your answers to the 10 questions below and tag it “Fibbing Friday” or #FibbingFriday. Then link back to Fibbing Friday so that others can enjoy the answers and join in too!

The rules are simple – truth is not an option, but lies, silliness, and surrealism are.

What exactly is a “rhetorical question?”
A banana.

What is meant by a “hair’s breadth”?
That silky feel when you wash’n’go and your hair shines all day!

How long is a “New York minute”?
The time it takes to send someone to Coventry.

What does it mean to “fly by the seat of your pants”?
This happens when you annoy the bouncers in the bar who then give you the bum’s rush.

What does “by the skin of your teeth” mean?
When an overeager dentist scrapes both the plaque and enamel from your teeth.

What are “the dog days of summer”?
The follow up single to Terry Jacks 1974 hit, Seasons in the Sun. It bombed.

What does it mean to “go ’round Robin Hood’s barn“?
A polite way of asking to use the toilet.

What does it mean when a project “gets the green light”?
It is very eco-friendly…and probably woke.

What does it mean to “eighty-six” something?
When you run someone over in a Type 86 tank.

What or where exactly is “file thirteen”?
Agents Scully and Mulder know, but they ain’t telling…

One-Liner Wednesday – Maybe I just wish it was warmer…

LindaGHill hosts One-Liner Wednesday   
Check out her blog for the rules, read other one-liners, and join in the fun!

If you saw a heatwave, would you wave back?
Steven Wright


You can’t have your kayak and heat it.
Denis Norden


It was quite a challenge to make people eat crab ice cream.
Heston Blumenthal

Song Lyric Sunday: Three Steps to Heaven

The prompt for Song Lyric Sunday from Jim Adams is Heaven and/or Hell.
The song must contain one of these words in either the title or the lyrics.
If the song does not meet these criteria, please explain why you chose it.

Three Steps to Heaven was a posthumous hit for Eddie Cochran in the UK. Topping the charts in June 1960, where it ended the seven-week run at No.1 of Cathy’s Clown by the Everly Brothers. Incidentally, Three Steps to Heaven only lasted two weeks before Jimmy Jones with his song Good Timin’ knocked it from pole position.

On April 17th 1960, Eddie Cochran died in a car accident at the age of 21 in Chippenham, Wiltshire, UK. He had just performed a gig at the Bristol Hippodrome and was travelling in a taxi with his girlfriend, Sharon Sheeley, his tour manager, Patrick Tompkins, and Gene Vincent.

They were heading towards London when the driver lost control and hit a lamppost. Eddie later died in hospital, but the rest of the occupants, although injured, survived.

This is a story I know well. My uncles, both aspiring Teddy Boys, saved their pocket money to buy tickets for the concert. They claim they spoke to both Gene and Eddie at the stage door after the show. But that’s probably a family myth, like the one where their Granny claimed she lived next door to a young Archie Leach, aka Cary Grant.

But dubious family mythology aside, thanks to my uncles I have a love of 50s music. So c’mon everybody, are you ready to rock’n’roll?

Now there are three steps to heaven
Just listen and you will plainly see
And as life travels on
And things do go wrong
Just follow steps one, two and three

Step one, you find a girl you love
Step two, she falls in love with you
Step three, you kiss and hold her tightly
Yeah, that sure seems like heaven to me

The formula for heaven’s very simple
Just follow the rules and you will see
And as life travels on and things do go wrong
Just follow steps one, two and three

Step one, you find a girl you love
Step two, she falls in love with you
Step three, you kiss and hold her tightly
Yeah, that sure seems like heaven to me

Just follow steps one, two and three

Songwriters: Bob Cochran / Eddie Cochran
© Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC, Peermusic Publishing, Warner Chappell Music, Inc, BMG Rights Management